My Book Ends

Meet my Book Ends

Don't let the picture confuse you...my book ends aren't Duce and Mr. MP with Ms. Independent squeezed in the middle. Nope! My book ends are actually Duce (left) and Ms. Independent (middle). They are the oldest and youngest. As babies, they could have been twins minus the 3 1/2 years that separate them. Mr. MP takes after his Italian father more so than my Book Ends, who resemble their mother's Irish side of the family.

They weren't Book Ends just in age and looks alone. They were the two getting into trouble while Mr. MP would fly inches below the radar - in between the Book Ends - so as not to get caught. It's funny, Duce and Ms. Independent are so much alike, they tend to clash a little bit even now, as they find their footing in adulthood, where Mr. MP, a typical middle child, gets along with both.

For Mother's Day, Mr. MP and Mrs. MP sent a special card they had made with a picture of them both in front of a historical building. It was fabulous!

On Sunday, Ms. Independent came over and spent a few hours at the house and gave me a wonderful gift and beautiful card.

Duce was out of town on Mother's Day, but called me to deliver his card to me on Monday.

Need I say anymore about my Book Ends:

I received this card from Ms. Independent on Sunday...and from Duce, the identical card on Monday.

I had to smile because I know my children know me so well and what I like. So much so that the Mr. and Mrs. MP sent a scrapbook style card that was personal and meant so much to me. And my Book Ends? They are so much alike in what appeals to them. I don't know if they know that yet. But either way, the card was beautiful! Each one of the two cards!

♥ What a lucky mom I am! And what great kids I have! ♥

Deployment Arises Again??

Here we go again!

Mr. MP called Friday and in a "by the way" kind of conversational insert, he brings up deployment. Phone calls with Mr. MP are a test of my strength and ability to separate myself from what I need to say to support him and what I am really feeling. And the tests keep coming, one right after the other!

Mr. MP: "Did I tell you I was almost got deployed?"
Me: What? Get calm - keep a straight face...um...voice! "Why no you didn't." Smile - talk with a smile!

Mr. MP: "One platoon is ceremonial and the other is SRT, so our somebody important was asked if we could attach to XYZ Company and prepare to deploy to Iraq immediately."
Me: Keep it light and breezy! Smile! "Really? What happened?" Breathe! Keep breathing!

Mr. MP: "Our somebody important said he wasn't letting any of us in the platoon go."
Me: "Thank God!" Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Mr. MP: "Thank God...NO!!!!"
Me: "Whatttt?" I don't understand. I really don't.

Mr. MP: "I really wanted to go!"
Me: "Darn him! That's not right! Darn him!!!!!" C'mon, you can fake disappointment and frustration!

Mr. MP: "I know!!!"
Me: "That's BS! I'm sorry you can't deploy." Thank you God - again!

Mr. MP: "You really don't mean that, do you mom?"
Me: "Well...sort of...let's just say I'm smiling while I say it" as I chuckle. Whew! That was a close call!
Me: "I'm sorry you're disappointed son." I really mean that. I'm happy for me - but I am sorry he's disappointed.

Trust me, I'm preparing myself for this. This is the second time a potential deployment situation has arisen for Mr. MP and Mrs. MP is still awaiting probable deployment later this year. Why anyone would actually want to deploy is beyond me. What I do know is this...it will probably happen, because it's what Mr. MP wants! And these little "almosts" are preparing me for the reality my son lives in. When and if it happens, I will be ready to emotionally support both he and his wife and their military choices. But for now - THANK YOU GOD!

She Did It!

Congratulations Air Force "1"!

My niece, Air Force "1", just completed basic military training (BMT) Thursday. I wasn't able to attend her graduation in Texas, but thanks to technology, I was as "close" to being there as I possibly could be.

Sister Y took the time amidst a very hectic ceremony and parade schedule to upload pictures the evening of graduation and send them to me so I could witness the event from afar. Phone calls from the family kept me up to date with the latest activities and happenings. And when I talked to Air Force "1" Thursday evening, it was the awesome! Her enthusiasm and happiness was absolutely contagious!!

Air Force "1" left this morning for five months of tech school training which involves two or three months internship training in a medical facility. I look forward to hearing the latest and greatest skills being learned by Air Force "1".

Sister Y described the last four days as "overwhelming". I could hear her struggle to find words to describe how she felt throughout the last few days. She summed it up with "well...every emotion possible". I knew what she meant. I remember how I felt at Mr. MP's BCT/AIT graduation. It truly is indescribable. I'm lucky in that his was only a day and a half event schedule, and after a short visit with the then soon to be Mrs. MP, he returned home for 2 & 1/2 weeks of leave and hometown recruiting. Four days must have been so hard for Sister Y, knowing that at the end of the fourth day, she would deliver her daughter back to base and prepare for a five month long distance mother/daughter relationship, military style! But I know Sister Y...she will lean on me and I will lean on her, as we support our childrens' military lives.

I can't wait to find out where Air Force "1" will be stationed after tech school. Get ready Sister Y...pack your bags. We have two base areas to visit now! ♥

I'm so happy for all who could attend and for those of us here at home who couldn't, we are cheering from the sidelines!! Congratulations Air Force "1" - You Did It!

Happy Mother's Day...A Time To Reflect

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms of the world! I find myself reflecting on being a mother, and all the lessons of life that I've gathered along the way. Yes, there have been ups and downs, tears of joy and sadness, times of jubilation and times of confusion. But never in a million years would I have wanted any more, or any less, than what I've been given in and through my children.

Over the course of the last 21 years, I can remember days, weeks, and what seemed like months thinking...and saying:

"I can't do this!!!"

"When will he/she or they get their act together?"

"When will the dishes/laundry/dirty housework be done?"

"How am I supposed to teach them how to add from right to the left when I've never heard of such a ridiculous concept?"

"Am I really as STUPID as they think I am?"

"Did I overlook signs of this action/behavior? Am I in denial?"

♥ ♥ ♥

I also remember thinking...and saying:

"Never have I loved anyone the way I love you (and you and you)"

"I wish you could see how truly amazing and beautiful/handsome you really are"

"I am so proud of you for trying"

"I wish I had the strength and courage at your age to say/do the things you are saying/doing"

"I am so blessed that you are my son/daughter"

♥ ♥ ♥

There were many times I thought I couldn't

Take it anymore

Balance work and raising children as a single parent

Stop worrying

Find that hard to find unheard of thingamabob for school...by tomorrow...or else

♥ ♥ ♥

But I always knew I would

Never give up!

Never stop loving my children!

Never hesitate to say I'm sorry to my children if I over reacted, jumped to conclusions, or hurt them with my words - or my silence!

♥ ♥ ♥

Now that my three children have moved out...I can tell you this:

The laundry/dishes/messiness never stops - not unless you want to go without clean clothes, eat off paper plates, and live amongst dust and debris the rest of your life.

He/she/they do in fact get their act together - just like we all do.

They will ALWAYS think they know more than we do about adding right to left, and other things such as life, money, child-rearing, politics, and anything else you care to "debate".

Yes - we have been as stupid as they thought we were - but just a few times.

Denial happens - that's all I'm going to say about that.

You never stop worrying - you just worry less.

♥ ♥ ♥

I thank God every single day for allowing me to be the mother of my three great kids! I thank my children for loving me with all their hearts...and for loving me exactly the way I am and for who I am. There are things I've learned about me, that would not have been learned if it weren't for being a mom.

Thoughts...Concerns...Reality

Thoughts...once you have them, they can twist into a whole new version of reality. The irony is that I have always believed in the concept that thought is reality. You think, you create it - slam! There's your reality. If you think negatively, then negativity is what you are surrounded by. If you think positively, then positive energies are within you and around you.

Well...let's think about thoughts that creep up from the depths of the subconscious...knocking at your reality, begging to come in. Once you open that door, subconsciously of course, now your thoughts have turned into concerns and reality is right around the corner to help you learn that what you are concerned about probably isn't as bad as what you think it may be.

Let me give you an example.

When Ms. Independent moved out, so did my last tax exemption. Don't get me wrong...my children are not dollar signs or tax credits, but for the first time in 22 years, I will be filing as a single person with ZERO dependents. Wow, I have to tap into the vault of archived memories to remember what filing "single" does to my net income. Naturally, I need to take action. Adjust my filing status immediately. Well, "immediately" became "next month" so I could buckle down and prepare for the loss of approximately $300 or more in net income. Thoughts of "what the heck am I gonna do?", "am I going to be okay financially?", and "what if I'm not okay financially" rise to the surface.

At the same time, I'm wrestling with a very demanding work schedule last week. Meetings, deadlines, etc. I wake up Monday morning (of last week) and I'm struggling...I don't feel well...but I get myself through the morning with the promise of a day off forthcoming soon. A three day weekend baby! Next week (as in tomorrow). Then my co-worker tells me Memorial Day is at the END of May. Darn it! I was confused. I was so desperate for a long weekend. I needed one extra day - that's all. Just one! You get where I'm going with this. Thoughts overcome me...the kind of thoughts that are something like "all I need is an extra day off" in a whiny drawn out and repetative thought process.

And then here comes reality. The need for one, just one extra day off...one long weekend...became three full days off work plus the weekend. Not for good times. Not just because. I was sick. I was really sick. Not swine flu sick...but sick and in bed for three and half days. It's Sunday, and I'm just starting to feel human again, but most of today has consisted of standing up, laying down for awhile and stand up, and then I need to lay back down. You get the drift. What was once a repeating thought of how I needed one more day became too many days off with the reality slap of illness.

The other part of my reality came from the three days off in that the last few years have brought me one thing or another illness wise and my sick leave was expended as of Thursday of last week. Friday became no work - no pay. Again, the need to tap into the vault of archived memories on what it must be like to have a day off without pay. I don't know this scenario...it's been way too long since I was confronted with this concept.

The lesson? My Higher Power has given me a scenario in which my pay will be shorted slightly, appoximately 1/2 of what filing single will result in later. What a great opportunity to find out how invalid my concerns are. Secondly, I wasn't clear about why I need a day off, and in what fashion that day needed to be spent in...such as a healthy day. So my Higher Power, once again, always calling me to learn what lack of positive thinking will do to a person, reminded me that I could have a lot of days off...I just wouldn't be healthy enough to enjoy them.

Why do I forget, quite frequently, that I'm not the one at the wheel of life? Whatever I need, however I need it, will be given to me. God takes great care of me. Unfortunately, God's version of need and my version of need can vary to a great degree. What I think I need...sometimes is not in my best interest. If I would let go, and let God, all of my needs will be met, each and every time.

Here's what I need: I need to remember that God's got it all taken care of for me. I just need to let it unfold the way He planned it.