The Day and The Night

Yesterday was a windstorm of activity, training, and prioritizing. By the end of the workday, I was in a fiercely stormy mood, fed up with shouldering the burden of too many tasks for one person. I felt the frustration of another day's "unknown", and what began as a slightly irritable mood at the onset of the day became a full-on raging mental storm at day's end.

Then came the night. I had fully given in to the exhaustion I felt, unable to stay awake one more moment, and went into my bedroom where I fell on to the bed and tried to fumble my way under the covers...as opposed to pulling the sheets back and then collapsing onto the bed. Go figure.

No more than 15 minutes into my "falling asleep" mode, BOOM! The most intense clap of thunder right over my bedroom. The night lit up like strobe lights from a heavenly rave. Frustrated by the noise outside and my difficulty in falling asleep, I grabbed my Sony Cybershot and sat on the patio trying to capture the lightning. You have to understand my camera to know this was going to be another difficult task, on top of an overloaded day. But...what the heck - why not? When in night mode, my little camera takes about 30 seconds to take a picture.

Click.................... "capturing".................... "processing"............... okay - there's the picture!

Nothing there.

Click.................. "capturing"................... "processing"..................... picture review and...

Nothing again.

I took 30-40 pictures and went through this loooooonnnnngggggg process for what had to be a 1/2 hr or more. Then I gave up and just sat on the patio watching the torrent of rain, the sky "lights", and taking in nature's loud roar. I believed I had captured blurry pictures of the sky lighter than normal but the hope of anything spectacular was just that...a hope. When I loaded my pictures this morning onto the computer, I was pleasantly...no...I was ecstatic in my surprise of what I "captured".




Not too bad for a 1) night shot and 2) shaking hands because I don't own a tripod!

I went to bed very late. Playing photographer interfered with my need for sleep, as did Mother Nature's night show. But thunderstorms of this magnitude aren't as common here as they are in other areas of the country so a little less sleep was worth the "show".

As the forecast is calling for more thunderstorms tonight...will I opt for sleep? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Caught Between The Beginning and The End

That's my life right now - I'm caught between the beginning and the end.

Lifetime wise - aren't we all caught between the beginning and the end? Of course, if the beginning is birth and the end is death.

But this isn't about my life - it's about my work, which seems to be consuming my life right now.

The Beginning? Accounting Specialist III in "Corporate Headquarters" where I was working split time in January. The End? Facilities Administrative Assistant at the Home Office.

I applied for and was chosen for my new job - at the urging of those who make budget cut decisions. So while it was a choice, it was a necessary choice, or else. Or else what, I don't know for sure. The discussions The Big Cheese and Ms. B (my soon to be new boss) had with me led me to believe "you better grab this opportunity or you might be left hanging".

My current position has about a year left of work to do and then who knows what would happen? Position elimination? Probably. No...Certainly.

I'm balancing the work of 100% of my position, 90% of a support staff position (who now works in the Corporate Office) and spending the next two weeks training for my new position. One person can't do all of this. Things are starting to fall through the cracks. The "just arrived task" carries greater importance than the "do this now task" that arrived 5 minutes ago. And so the "must do" tasks stack up, one on top of the other...waiting for the moment I can complete them.

I did the only thing I could. No, I didn't move into my office and set up house so I would literally eat and sleep my work. I reached out for help. Help has not arrived yet...but maybe tomorrow.

I am reminded of a poem I wrote June 19, 2006 when my work life seemed overwhelming at the time. What a joke! That was smooth sailing compared to today (and yesterday, and tomorrow).

One Person

•

I am one person

With one person's energy

I am one person

With one person's abilities

•

I am one person

Doing the best I can

Giving it more than 100%

One person with one plan

•

Do what I can do

Let go of all the rest

I am one person

Doing my very best

•

I am one person

One person strong

Changing my attitude

Changing what I own

The Music and The Moment

Last week I was at work, firing on all cylinders, cranking out the work, and rocking out to music at a volume that may have been considered unprofessional, however, the level of melodic mayhem was do-able I think. (I hope!)

I had a great selection of mid to late 90s alternative blaring. "No Substance" by Bad Religion was playing, followed by "Gone Away" by The Offspring. Then it happened! In that split second the song started playing, I was transformed in time, like I always am with music! I remembered with extreme clarity the very first time I heard that song live. June 1997...okay...the clarity of the month may not be exact but we'll say it was June. "The Joint" at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. It was Duce's first concert. He was 9 years old. We rocked out hard that night!! He LOVED The Offspring and at the time, I was a pretty big fan as well (still am). I remember how excited he was when he found out we were going to the concert. We had so much fun that night. Sooooo much fun!! It's as if it happened last week, I swear. I can remember so many details of that night, including the ones I try forget, such as every single teen to twenty something asking me "Did YOOUUU have a good time??????" I couldn't have looked THAT OLD!!

Okay so back to last week. After the song ended, I stepped outside to take a break and gather my thoughts...and compose myself. Sister Y called at that very moment, and the minute I answered my cell, I started blubbering. Yep - I was crying...all because I heard a song that brought vivid memories of my little boy at 9 years of age. My little boy who is now a father. My little boy who, because of his work and family duties, doesn't always have the opportunity to call or get together with me. My little boy...

Wow - 12 years whizzed by like a speeding bullet. It seems like it was yesterday.

I just hope he knows, or comes to know, how magical those moments were for me. That song, that album (oops! CD), that concert with him...it is one of the musical moments that sprinkled the landscape of my life. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, whenever I hear that song, I will always remember that concert with my son, one of many precious moments of time shared with him in this lifetime.