Repair or Toss?

Have you ever had that thing…you know…that thing that you just can’t get rid of? The one you hang on to, for far too long, for whatever reasons you deem important? Be it a favorite pair of jeans, albeit two sizes too small, or a coffee cup from a frequent vacation spot that held a lot of meaning at one time, but in retrospect, you never really cared for the shape of the cup or how the handle fit in your hand.

I go through periods of evaluating these things from time to time. I enter the realm of “toss” with ease, and quite frequently. Out with the old and in with the new. If I haven’t used it, worn it, or looked at it in the last year, then it has worn out its welcome in my house and out it goes. But not everything needs to be tossed. Sometimes all that is needed is a little “repair”. An additional screw inserted into a hidden spot may save the wobbly chair…maybe. A fresh coat of paint might actually enhance that really weird piece of furniture that was perfect during a bizarre fad deco period, but doesn’t fit quite right with the comfortable earthy décor of current day.

The repair mode will always involve some level of uncertainty, depending upon skill and experience and overall desire to invest the time necessary to conduct the repair. Of course, any attempt to repair something may actually worsen the original condition, or…if handled with care and caution, the problem may be solved, letting the repair breathe new life into the thing that was once caught between repair and toss.

You know that in between place. The one congested with thoughts of “I know I need to get rid of this old thing…it doesn’t work for me anymore, but what if…?” or “why the heck do I still have this…but if I toss it, how will I know for certain that I may not want it again someday?” I will always find cause to hang onto a few things, despite the knowledge that I will never…ever…need it, want it, or use it again. I will shove it in a box and ignore it, even forget about it, for years. Then comes the moment of spring cleaning and “it” has been unearthed from under the bed or come out of hiding from the back of the closet. I look at it, evaluate its purpose in my life, and wrestle with whether or not it may hold some level of importance to me in the future, even though I know it holds zero importance to me today. I might need more time to think it over, and back in the box it goes, or under the bed, or in the closet, until the next time the need to clean out the closet arises, so to speak.

I rarely spring clean in the spring. Something about July always sparks a great need in me to grab every cleaning product imaginable, put in some good elbow grease and make everything squeaky clean and shiny.

As the month is coming to a close and I’m thinking over my spring cleaning list, I ponder those things that are out of sight-out of mind and quite happily realize that I’ve already repaired or tossed everything…except that one last thing. Can it be reformed into something that actually fits in my life? Is it worth the time or effort? I’ve thought about it for quite some time. I’ve held onto it for years. What should I do?

I close my eyes and breathe. I sit quietly and let my thoughts come to me naturally. Not the pack rat type thoughts, or even the ones that have a small ray of hope attached to them. I only let in the thoughts that are of true reality.

Ahhh…yes. I accept what I’ve always known. It will never be anything other than what it always has been. And even the tiniest hope of what it could be at a later time can never change the fact that it is what it is today. I no longer need to pack this thing around with me hoping that someday…maybe…with a little luck, it will be different. It has served its purpose during the time it fit in my life, but now, it can’t be repaired, remolded, or reshaped into anything other than what it is.

I smile and exhale of sigh of relief as I feel a newfound freedom envelop me like a warm blanket. I laugh out loud as I think of how many years I’ve been dragging this thing around with me, weighting me down every time I carefully thought about what I’m going to do with it someday.

I toss it in the garbage and walk away, still smiling. Finally, I’ve emptied my baggage!!

What was in my suitcase you ask??

Those rudely obnoxious, loudly stated and fashionably overrated, orange speckled-neon green spandex pants!!

Tour Thoughts

Mont Ventoux looms in the distance
The tale of victory it will tell
For some, a podium stand in Paris
For others, an exit from hell

Many will have danced on the pedals
And some will have been turned inside out
Ventoux will be the ultimate proving ground
Ending weeks of speculation and doubt

Will Lance reclaim his mighty tour throne
Or will a Spaniard reign supreme yet again
From the descent of Ventoux to the Champs Elysees
Another Tour de France approaches its end

Mail Call

Another ten hour work day ended at 5 pm in sweltering heat that is quite literally hotter than hell, not that I know for certain...but I can only imagine. I expended every measurable ounce of energy in yet again another mind bending exhaustive learning process in my new job. The drive home from work was spent in grandiose thoughts of air conditioning, my couch, and vegging out in front of the TV. My intentions of rest and relaxation were soon dashed when I retrieved my mail.

The envelope told me that Duncanville Photo Enforcement Program had important news for me. Photo enforcement? What?? Is this a traffic ticket??? There are two photo enforcement lights in my city and I hadn't had any problems at either of these locations, as best I can recall. Had I driven to the capital recently? I'm sure it is littered with photo traffic signals. No, haven't been there in a long time. And where the heck is Duncanville, anyway???

I open the envelope and more information is provided...I apparently violated traffic code by running a red light in Duncanville, TX...in April, and now had a traffic ticket to pay in less than one month. What??????

My mind raced like mad! Texas? I've haven't been to Texas in a bazillion years and I've never been to Duncanville, to the best of my knowledge. The picture of the vehicle registered to me isn't a vehicle I've ever owned, and how could this have happened? By now I'm running around like a complete lunatic! Frantic thoughts of identity theft are affecting my ability to think clearly!! Who am I kidding? I can't even think...I'm FREAKED OUT!! After numerous phone calls with family members to trigger lost memories of vehicles owned during my marriage that ended ten years ago , we all reach the conclusion that no...it's not my ex driving around with my license plate. Hey, I said I was freaked out, okay?

Wait one minute! The picture on the ticket is of plate number A123BC, but the written citation is for plate number A412BC, of which I am the named owner, that is according to the citation. By the way, the plate numbers have been changed to protect the INNOCENT!!!!!

Obviously I don't own the vehicle in the picture - or the license plate on the vehicle. But what about the plate number listed on the ticket...could it be the van that I traded in in 2002? Is it the Kia that was totalled in my car accident in 2004? Nope - neither of those. Is it Mr. MP's car that used to be Duce's first car - that we turned it into a junk yard when Mr. MP went into the Army? Nope - not that one either. As I breathe a sigh of relief that no one is rolling through Texas with a former license plate of mine...

It hits me like a brick!!!

What about Mr. MP's first vehicle? That money sucking hunk of junk was disposed of by Mr. MP himself via a towing company and auto shop. As he was a minor during the "first car" time frame, my name was on the title as well. Do I still have the records on this vehicle that was disposed of two and a half years ago? After relentless searching, and quite honestly destroying my neatly organized files, I found it! I found the file that was the vehicle in question! OMG - it's the license plate on the ticket! How the heck did this happen!!!!! What the heck is going on here? Can I in any way prove I don't own this vehicle? My mind has run amok again!!

Why on earth did I decide that January 2008 would bring new habits that didn't involve keeping every single document - FOREVER???? OMG - what have I done??? Why did I go on a shredding spree that probably matched that of Watergate??? Why????

Okay - it's all good. I do have a record of the disposal, in so far as correspondence with the Dept of Motor Vehicles is concerned. I have a copy of the part of the title that you send to DMV to release liability, and a second letter and copy of said liability release after a threatening "suspension of registration" was received. Again, this is two and half years ago.

So now the task at hand is to figure out why DMV thinks I own a vehicle I don't own, at least per Duncanville TX's records. With my summer work schedule of four 10 hour days - looks like I'm spending Friday morning at DMV. Wait...no I'm not. DMV is closed for the next three Fridays as part of the State's furlough program to cut expenses. Oh this just great! Ummm...can I have a few hours off work on Monday to handle this? I realize I've only been in my new job 3 weeks and was out last week due to illness. But time is of the essence!!

I should be grateful this "ticket" has come in the mail so as to alert me to the fact that DMV's records are not correct. But right now I'm more irritated than anything that I have to arrange time away from my job so I can make sure someone else gets their job done correctly. Sigh.

Thought Provoking

I recently discovered the song "Human" by the band "Civil Twilight". The melody is so haunting and the poetry so profound.

"I am just an image of something so much greater

I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter

Where do I begin, can I shed this skin

What is this I feel within

It's only love, it's only pain

It's only fear that runs through my veins

It's all the things you can't explain

That make us human"