Feeling Kinda Funky

Yep...I'm feeling kinda funky. Not like I'm jamming to a great Rick James or Earth, Wind & Fire song. Not like I want to bust a move or something. I'm feeling the other kind of funky. Like something's amiss...like I've lost my center or something. I've pondered for hours this evening as to why I would feel this way, and as I write this I think "is it any wonder?"

I watched my boss pack up his personal items on Thursday, pictures and so forth. I just watched my sister do the same thing less than three weeks ago when she closed her business. These are two situations that that would cause anyone to be out of sorts.

I've worked with my boss for 6 & 1/2 years and he is amazing to work for. Always challenging me to think outside the box, to look at the bigger picture, and to never ever let my self-imposed boundaries limit my professional growth. As he prepares to move on to a much bigger and better employment opportunity, my co-workers and I are melancholy and somewhat frozen in time, as if our lack of movement or action will stop his departure.

My sister, an artist with hair, has been my stylist and my saving grace for a head full of unruly hair for almost 10 years now since I moved to Northern California. There are good stylists, and there are great stylists, but she is one of a kind. It has been nearly two months since her magical fingers have touched my hair...and I've spent that entire time in a recurring "what now" thought process. For some, a stylist is easy come easy go. But not me. When you've had the best, how can you go anywhere else? Maybe I'll let my hair grow out and I'll become one with the curls and craziness of my hair. Yeah, I don't think so.

Both situations involve grieving and change. More important than my sister being my stylist, is the fact that I've watched her work so hard for so long, only to have no other option than to close her business. The personal pain I felt during her decision making process, and shortly thereafter when she closed the doors for good, was for her. Not for me. The personal pain I feel with my boss' departure is for our entire office, not just for me.

Presently, I don't know what is going to happen in two weeks when the boss is gone. I have an idea who the interim boss will be, but thus far, no one has sat down with our office and directly informed us. Nor has anyone given us any idea as to the future of our department, which creates an uneasy edge that bleeds into every work day as it has for the past few months.

So many questions and no answers...still.

I think I'll put on some good music tomorrow and act silly and dance wildly around my house. Maybe if I give in to some funky grooves outwardly, it will help me snap out of the inner funky mood I've been in.

But right now...I need sleep and a chance to quiet my mind.